disoriented

Ducks Hanging in the Window

The dis-oriented author is Chinese. I am actually only 1/4 Chinese, my grandfather was from China. This week I an in San Francisco and tonight I was in the mood for Chinese food.

When I am in San Francisco, I typically buy a MUNI passport so I can ride the buses and the cable cars. Tonight, I took the Powell and Market cable car to Chinatown. I was looking for a Chinese restaurant and I had only two criteria in mind:

It had to be full of Chinese patrons and there had to be Ducks Hanging in the window.

I got off the cable car in Chinatown and walked down the hill. Halfway down, I walked through and alley to the New King Tin Restaurant. Like many Chinatown restaurants, there was a hawker out front  trying to get diners to stop in. I walked up to him and looked in the window. The place was full of Asian faces and ... there were ducks hanging in the window.

I went in and sat down. My daughter studied in China last summer but I don't speak a word of the language. Fortunately the menu was bilingual, English and Chinese.For $6.50, I ordered half a roast duck with steamed rice and hot tea. The duck was perfect — I love Chinatown.

New York Hot Dogs

The dis-oriented author was born and raised in the Midwest. I still live in Iowa with my wife and the five (of our eight) children who are still at home. In my job I get to travel and spend time in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Dallas and New York.

This week I am in New York, good thing because I have been craving a New York hot dog.

One of the thing I try to do as I travel is sample the local cuisine. I have enjoyed scrapple and Gino's steaks in Philadelphia. I love the Cincinnati trifecta; Montgomery Inn ribs, LaRosa's pizza and Skyline Chili. In  Canada, I enjoy poutine, donair and butter tarts. And recently in Florida, I was introduced to rock shrimp. In Chicago I eat deep dish pizza.

But this week I was craving a New York hot dog. What makes a New York hot dog different? First, I like the pushcart dogs the best. I look for the silver pushcarts with the blue and yellow Sabrett umbrella. These carts are on almost every corner in mid-town. The rolls (buns for us mid-westerners) are always warm and fresh. The Sabrett dog is an all beef frank, thinner than midwest dogs but with a crisper casing. I know real hot dog fans will groan but I do not particularly like mustard so I order mine with onions.

The first time I ordered a NY dog, I asked for it with onions. I expected some chopped raw onions like I would get at home. Instead, the vender deftly opened a door in the counter of his cart and reached in with his tongs. He took out a what looked like a watery pasta sauce with chopped onions in it. I could see from the steam rising that it was hot.

At the first bite I was hooked! Now every time I am in New York I have to stop by and get some dogs on the street. I was teaching a class in New York this week and I mentioned my fondness for New York dogs. One of my students told me that the onions in sauce is available in jars in area grocery stores. That evening I stoped in every grocery and bodega between the office and my hotel — to no avail.

The next morning when I got into the office there wa a bottle of Sabrett Onions in Sauce on my desk! Since you cannot fly with liquids in your carry-on these days, I knew I would have to check my bag. A small price to pay!

I know I don't have the right kind of rolls and I'll be using midwestern mystery-meat dogs, even so I will have authentic NY onions in sauce — I can hardly wait.

The Everyday Exotic

The dis-oriented author is a traveler. I travel over twenty weeks a year on business and travel frequently for pleasure. I see a lot of interesting things on the road but sometimes it is the everyday things, when viewed in different contexts, that seem the most exotic.

Today it was pizza.

I am a mid-westerner so to me, New York City is exotic. Today at a client's office we had lunch brought in — authentic New York pizza. When the pizza came there were about ten pies (yes, they're called pies here in the big city!)

The first thing I noticed was the selection, two chicken, one sausage and seven regular. Regular? I was curious, it turns out that in New York City, regular means cheese. Where I come from nobody, except my daughters, eats cheese pizza.

When it was my turn, I went to the table and got a piece of sausage pizza. The piece was huge — all the pieces were huge. I had trouble even getting the pizza on my plate. It had a paper-thin crust and was so greasy that the sauce and cheese were just sliding off. I finally managed to get a piece onto my plate. I found it hard to pick up the floppy, greasy slice. As I looked around at the New Yorkers in the room I wondered how they were managing.

None of them were having any trouble eating their pizza. How did they manage? To a man they folded their slices down the middle. I had never seen anything like it.

Where I come from nobody folds pizza. In fact at the midwest's most famous pizza place, Gino's East, nobody would dare try. Gino's is home of the deep dish Chicago-style pizza. A Gino's pizza is about 3 inches thick on a deep crust with deep thick gooey cheese.

Wikipedia has a great article on pizza that describes the different styles from all over the world. I love Chicago-style pizza but after biting into a NY slice — I think there is room in my life for a second love. And yes, I'll fold mine next time.

Dis-oriented Travel Tips

A seasoned traveler always has a backup plan. The dis-oriented author is a seasoned traveler. If the weather is bad, I may make a hotel reservation in advance in case I have to spend the night somewhere. I carry my bags on so if a flight into into one airport is canceled I can fly to an alternate airport that serves the region. I travel with an extra credit card in case mine gets lost or I have to cancel it because of fraud.

Whatever the situation, I try to be prepared. I try to research the city I am visiting in advance so I know where I am going and where the best hotel is.

This time, I goofed. I am in Idaho Falls this week. For the first time I am in a town smaller than my hometown. Idaho Falls is small enough that that it it served by two primary airlines — Delta and Northwest.

Just my luck, both Delta and Northwest filed for chapter 11 today.

Last year was the first  in a while that I have not flown enough miles to make Platinum in WorldPerks, Northwest's frequent flyer program. It takes 75,000 miles to make Platinum, as of this week I have 68,000 miles with 3 1/2 months to go. So if Northwest keeps on flying I'll probably make Platinum and then not be able to use my miles because the airline is bankrupt.

This trip I think I hit the jackpot. My return flight consists of two legs on Delta and one leg on Northwest. I'll probably have to drive home from Idaho.

So now, four of the five largest US carriers are in bankruptcy court, United, US Air, Delta and Northwest.

Life on the Road

The dis-oriented author is a Road Warrior. You know what I mean, the ones who sit in First Class on the airplanes and get the suites in the hotels. It certainly  glamorous. In the Jerry Maquire, Renee Zellweger's character looks into the first class cabin at Tom Cruise and Kelley Preston. Zellweger's character says:

First class ... it used to be a better meal, now it's a better life.

Well, things have changed, not only is first class not a better life — it's no longer even a better meal.

I didn't fly as much last year as usual so I only made Gold in Northwest's WorldPerks program. Last year I barely flew 50,000 miles, this year I have already flown over 60,000. I am well on my way to making Platinum.

It was the last flight on Sunday on Northwest Airlines. I was upgraded to first class and I was sitting next to a former US Marine F18 pilot who happened to be Sri Lankan. We were having a conversation and the pilot told us that we were going to be delayed waiting for a part. Listening to the First Class buzz, other travelers had similar experiences on earlier flights. It seemed like the part took forever to arrive. When it did the new part did not work.

Eventually we had to de-plane and change gates while they looked for a new plane for us. While we were back in the terminal my marine friend called the Northwest Platinum Elite line. When he complained they had the gall to ask him if he had been watching the news. It turns out that the Northwest mechanics union is in the process of a strike vote. Apparently, the problems we faced were part of a work slowdown or other action by the mechanics union.

We finally got on the new plane but the ramp was closed due to a local thunderstorm. So now we were waiting on the new plane. We waited on catering and waited and waited. The flight attendant passed out Northwest Airlines amenity coupons to make up for the wait.

I eagerly opened mine wondering what was inside. 10,000 WorldPerks miles? $100 flight voucher? No it was a lousy 5 minute phone card. In this day of the Internet and cell phones what business traveler needs a phone card? I left mine in the seat back pocket.

Eventually, the plane had to take on more fuel in order to avoid weather en-route. While mentioning the extra fuel, the pilot also noted that some freight and baggage had to be off-loaded to make up for the weight of the extra fuel. We eventually got to our destination almost six hours late at 4:00am.

When I went to baggage claim, I discovered that my bag was one of the ones off loaded. How could this be, since I was seated in First Class my bag had a yellow priority handling tag. What does that tag mean if when selected bags are unloaded, tagged bags are chosen. According to the Northwest baggage claim representative I was not the only First Class passenger to have his bags removed.

To add insult to injury, when I got to the rental counter, they had mis-handled my reservation. An hour later they found me a car.

When I got to the hotel I checked in at about 5:30am. Of course I had only my computer, my camera and the clothes on my back. I had spelled gravy on my white polo shirt and I was in my airport sandals and camp shorts.

Did you know that the shampoo Marriott puts in their room makes a good substitute for laundry detergent in a pinch?

I think I have to go back to my policy of carrying on all my bags. I carry on my computer because Northwest won't take responsibility for it in checked baggage. I carry on my camera because Northwest won't take responsibility for it in checked baggage. Now I am going to carry on my roller bag and take advantage of early boarding and hog the bin space because Northwest will not take responsibility for getting it to my destination on time and if it is delayed they will not pay to replace necessary items like business clothes until I have had to wait twenty four hours and it is too late.

If this is how their best customers get treated, I how does the casual traveler gets along. No wonder the airlines are going bankrupt.

How big is the Pool?

This spring I started swimming again. At first it was difficult to swim for even 10 minutes. Now I swim 4 to 5 days  a week. I like the peacefulness of swimming, once I get going, I get in a zone. Everything goes into autopilot. Each stroke follows the last. Rolling from side to side, I hardly even notice when I take a breath. The pool I normally swim in has windows on one side and I love swimming from the shade into the light and back.

In addition to being a great workout, swimming allows me to think. With my stroke on automatic, I am free to contemplate projects I am working on or things that I have read.  I hope to add a treadmill, stationary bicycle and weightlifting to my workout routine.

As a business traveler it is difficult to swim on the road. I am a YMCA member so I try to swim at Y's whenever I can. The ideal situation is to find a hotel that has a pool designed for lap swimming. As much as I love swimming, it is also the cause of one of my pet peeves.

Does any hotel employee in the world know how big the hotel pool is?

Finding a hotel pool big enough to swim laps in is a chore. The very best resource is  The Swimmers Guide.  The Swimmers Guide is a list of pools available to the traveling public worldwide. To use the swimmers guide, you select a country and then a state and a city. The guide lists pools available to travelers in YMCAs, schools, community centers, health clubs and hotels.

The swimmers guide lists pools that are a minimum of 18 meters long. In some cases they will list hotel pools as short as 50 feet. The rationale is that business travelers often cannot get to longer pools and may choose a hotel based on the pool. Even thought these shorter pools are not ideal — they are better than nothing. I am writing this post from the Marriott Courtyard  in Chicago's River North neighborhood. The Swimmers Guide lists the pool as 20 yards long. I have been swimming laps each evening.

One truth I have discovered is that nobody who works in a hotel ever knows how big the hotel pool is.  In California recently it took four different people to finally get me an answer (at least they found the answer) the pool at the Marriott Manhattan Beach is 20 yards long.

But when I called the Courtyard in Emeryville (an Oakland Ca.) suburb I was told that the pool was 100 yards long! By comparison, Olympic pools are 50 meters long. I told the hotel employee on the phone that a 100 yard long hotel pool would be the biggest pool she had ever seen — she said it was big.

Most employees don't know and aren't afraid to admit it. Today I called the Washington Dulles Airport Marriott and asked how long the pool was. The clerk on duty didn't understand so I said, "You know, how many yards long is the pool?"

He said that the pool was about a yard long! I asked if he could check with someone else, he came back on and said that the hotel engineer told him the pool was actually half a yard long and four inches deep!

I informed the clerk that in the US a yard is three feet long and four inches is less than the length of a man's hand — before I hung up.

Airport Insecurity

The Transportation Security Agency is in charge of securing our nations air transport system. Recently the Star-Ledger of Newark gained access to confidential reports of security inspections at New Jersey's Liberty Airport. These documents, if authentic, suggest that airport screeners missed 25-30% of the test items sent through airport checkpoints.

Screeners also missed several weapons worn or carried by passengers through checpoints on their persons.

In addition to the security lapses — the TSA has also become a nuisance. Since requiring that bags be unlocked, the TSA has received over 17,000 theft complaints. There have been several cases of TSA employees arrested in theft rings across the country. Passengers are finding items of value removed from their checked luggage.

I was one of the people who supported federalizing airport screeners — I should have known better.

I supported the TSA because I thought that the only the government had the means to protect air travel. I thought that the governemnt would certainly take the necessary steps to build a system that works. I argued that only the government had the resources. A government agency would ensure consistency from airport to airport.

I was wrong for these reasons:

1) The TSA does a poor job of security screening passengers and their bags The basic TSA function should be to ensure safety of the air transport system by ensuring that contraband items are not allowed on board aircraft. The New Jersey numbers show that the TSA is letting a significantly number of items through in tests. The TSA points to the lack of hijacking incidents as proof of their success. I would point to the number of items that pass through the checkpoints as proof of their failure. 2) The TSA has not adequately screened their employees To this date the TSA has not even performed a screen of all their employees. For those who have been screened — only felony convictions disqualify an employee. The TSA will still knowingly hire screeners with misdemeanor theft convictions. One of the arguments made for federalizing airport security was that pre-employment screening would be standardized and uniformly enforced across all airports. That the TSA has not completed employee screening is unforgivable. 3) The TSA failed to take necessary steps to protect passenger property As an airline passenger I am always reluctant to put anything of value in my checked luggage. Given the incidents of TSA theft and the lack of screening it is no wonder that the public has no confidence in the TSA. 4) The TSA does not enforce consistent policies for passenger screening One of the biggest headaches for travellers is that the procedures for travellers differ from airport to airport. At one point the TSA came out and said that it was not necessary to remove all footwear at checkpoints. I was in Philadelphia at the time and when I went to the airport and I asked the screener whether I had to remove my footwear (sandals without any metal) and the screner said that I did not. The screener suggested that I should remove them anyway. After I went through the metal detecter without setting it off — they told me that I had to go through a pat down (and remove my sandals) because I did not remove my sandals when they told me it was voluntary! In other airports I have had screeners say exactly the same thing and if the sandals did not set of the machine they let me through. I just wish they would get their stories straight. If I have to remove my shoes — I will — just et me know. 5) The TSA wastes taxpayers money The TSA wastes a huge amount of money. I travel approximately 75-100,000 miles a year by air. Even when checkpoints are busy, there always seem to be extra screeners milling about not doing anything. Worse during slow periods there are often more employees not working than working at the checkpoint. Given the fact that people make reservations to fly, it should be easy to predict load at terminals based on flight reservations. TSA screeners could be staffed at levels to meet normal and peak demand.

Just this morning while driving I heard about the TSA spending over $450,000 on an awards banquet in Washington. D.C. The Associated Press reported that the TSA spent $200,000 on travel and lodging. In order to make the experience extra special the TSA hired an event planner for $85,000. At the event the two-year-old agency awarded a lifetime achievement award to an employee.

AP also reports tha TSA executives received bonuses averaging $16,000 — highest of any federal agency.

The trouble with the Federal Government is that whenever you create a program it develops a certain inertia. Real change becomes difficult. In the case of the TSA we have created a monster.